what can i say? i haven't eat for 2 days. i don't know what's wrong with me. what's wrong with everything around me? i don't get myself. i can't seem to accept things i should. I don't know myself. I'm crazy. I honestly feel like i'm using people for my own good but i'm not. sigh. it's like, do you know the feeling when someone loves you for who you are but when it comes to you, you can't do the same thing. Its not like i don't want to its just i can't. sigh i dont know i'm not strong enough to endure all of this things i guess. it sucks you know. it sucks that i can't do the same. It sucks to be me. I hate myself for causing people to cry. But i swear to God i don't like them like this. My friends, family, boyfriend, i don't know i feel so useless, i can't do anything right. I'm weak. Do you ever just break down because you just hate yourself too much for causing people to feel unwanted or make them dissapoint of you? sucks. it sucks. He always blame himself but honestly i can say, it is always my fault. never his. because i can't seem to take him at his breaking point like he did with mine. not just him, other people too. i don't know what is wrong with me. It is not and never his fault. well except for not controlling it thats a fault. but if i'm actually being honest with myself, it's my fault. He's everything a girl could ask for. His sweetness, dirtiness, kindness, i should be grateful for everything he is. but that's my problem. fuck my life. i'm weak. but i will try my best on everything. even tho again, i'm weak.

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