so how do i begin? how do i elaborate what i feel inside?how do i not cry while typing this? okay. so. she's finally back with her best friend again! i am beyond happy because deep down i know she still love her. and deep down i also know i don't deserve her. right now, this very second, what i really am feeling is guiltiness and loneliness. i'm guilty for making myself believe what i should have never and i am sure very lonely. i mean, i lost a friend. again. to make it even worse. how silly i have been for thinking i was the only flower in the garden. i was just green bean, new planted. and eventually i'm gonna die soon. which means i'm gone, soon. now. i don't really know how to put this into words but to be honest, it hurts. for once i thought i would feel better again. i don't blame her for this because its my fault really. how could i be so nonchalance about this? how can i not see where this will get me? God. I am very tired of losing people. friends to make it more specific. i've no one. in the end, people leave. and there's no one else i should blame but myself. i put myself in a pit and i burned the rope. god i'm really tired of losing people :( for once again after my once best friend when i was 13, i thought this was something like what it was. but silly me. silly billy me. i should've known. i made her a present, for her birthday and to be honest right now, i feel like throwing it. It wouldnt mean anything, anymore. She has got her again, She was for her. How could i have been so blind? What was i thinking? I've made myself worse day by day by letting something really stupid to bother me. don't misunderstand me. i'm happy that you're happy. i need to learn how to be independent, i guess. i'm so happy you finally get to talk to her again. Honestly i am. So i guess this is it, at least. 

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