Friends. Don't they matters to you? I mean, sometimes they even cross the line of the family where you care about them more than you care about your family sometimes. But then you get back on the track. I don't think i even have real friends. Such an offensive post isn't it but i won't say if i'm not feeling this way. Honestly, i feel like no one is there. The closest friends are always walking away from me. I would walk into the hall alone, sit alone, not talking to anyone because everything i did or do is practically wrong. I would walk to class, everyday, alone. And then i sit there in the class like a stupid person. Everyone ditches me i think. Maybe thats what i meant to live for. To be ditch. I have 6 girlfriends including me. Which means 5, not. I can bravely say they all don't give a shet about me. How is that? Well, make it person No.1, No.2, No.3, No.4 and No.5. Person 1's bestfriend is person 2. But person 3 wants person 1. and so does person 2. So it makes three of em. No 4 and No 5 are practically always close together. So what about the person number 6? What is she supposed to do? What is she? Do she even exist in their eyes? It always hurts me. Not brave enough to say this in front of them but it has always been hurtful to me. I don't see the point of trying anymore sometimes i just want to die. Not threatening but that's just it. How i feel inside. My boy bestfriend, am i even visible in front of him? He has feelings towards a girl and talk about her with me but i dont care because thats what friends are for right? But the part where it hurts me the most is when he thought im bullet proof. Suddenly getting mad, misunderstanding yea things like that. I dont think i deserve anyone. In the end it will ALWAYS be me. The blame is on me. man this is really the fault in my stars. lol. I feel ignored. No one cares. I would sit in my room after school and cry, everyday. im not lying. When i cut or talk suicide, i'm stupid but then there's no one to understand me. They stab me from my back. But im fool enough to smile with them because i love them, i love my friends. Why can't they love me? Don't tell me im not taking life positively, i did. This is what i get for taking life positively. I honestly feel like i'm done trying. Im useless.
x; Zee

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