its January 2015. well what can i tell you? i spent new year's eve and the new year itself in my room with musics. how lifeless is that. there's nothing much i could tell you guys. but i do have some feelings to confess. i, don't care about anything anymore. i mean, it is what it is. but today, i don't know. he kept on making believe that things will change and maybe i will own my old self back but in meantime he keeps on breaking me. i've no one to tell because i think its better to keep it to myself rather than seek for help. people aren't robots you know. their feelings change. you see, he has been lying ever since the break up or maybe before, i don't know. clueless. Like today it was when he said he was going to sleep and then i found out him liking a picture a girl, whom i used to or maybe still dislike. one thing about girls, is that they are completely a f b i. of course to you people its not a big deal to like a picture but i don't know. i know him. i just, sigh. i am really confused with my feelings. i mean i told him that there is no relationship no more but then again i am still jealous in every single little things. is that a sign to show i love him or is that just a girl? i mean i don't know, maybe i do but i am tired of my feelings. or anyone's really. they end up, crashing me. like before this, said he was sleeping at 12 and then i found out he liked a picture of a girl whom i starting to dislike at 4 am. If you don't want to talk to me i understand, just tell me. because for god sake who the hell wants to talk to a girl like me? it hurts both ways but i'd rather know that you don't want to than finding it out myself. I believe you dislike me in every way i am, i mean, seriously i don't have that skinny shit body, i wear scarf, i don't like to explain more but you know, just a complete opposite of a girl you like. it hurts,  a lot. really. i punch the wall today and yikes my fist is red. bruises i believe. i was so mad i couldn't handle it. you made me feel like a complete ' no one wants you here' yea. and i seriously do not know how do i handle school. you're going to flirt or hang out with other girls, and it is going to tear me i'm sure but i also know that maybe that is what you do best. and maybe that is what keeps you happy. so go on. play on. i'm ok. i would probably will hide my feelings and i hope i'll do my best on hiding it. because if you really love me, then you would not ever hurt me. i see, what my parents been through. and it opened my eyes and shut down my heart. so if you love me then act like you do, if you don't then, im ok. go on. play on.

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